Hello darkness my old friend, I've come to speak with you again . . .
I am reminded of the Simon and Garfunkel classic as I sit here in the dimly-lit hallway outside Zachary's room listening to the symphony of sound churned out by all the machines keeping him alive. I don't really even notice the noise so much anymore. It just serves as the soundtrack for the conversations I have with myself on nights like this when it's just me and them.
The obvious topic is when will Zachary get better? Will he have any physical or developmental problems because of his early birth? How long wll he be on a ventilator? Is he missing out on his babyhood because of all the medical crap he has to deal with? How can he be so happy? How is it that we are so lucky to have such a perfect son?
But there are others.
How will we get through this? Can we endure the physical and mental toll of staying up all night several times each week (and Erin being by herself during the days) when our nursing shifts are unfilled? Can we survive on one income? Do we even dare consider having another child? Will our marriage endure? When will Florida State win another national championship? (I was thinking about that tonight, anyway).
Today was a good day though. We had a date night tonight. Played mini-golf. Went to Ruby Tuesday. Shopped at World Market. Got ice cream. All in two hours. Tried to watch the FSU game when we got home but momma was tired and baby stayed up past his bedtime. Maybe next time.
Just me and my thoughts for the next six or seven hours.
Hang in there, Jerry! What you guys have been going through for the past (almost!) year is mind-bogglingly difficult and you pull it off with a lot of grace. It makes sense that there are times of doubt, of fear, of exhaustion. I know that might not help a lot at 3 in the morning, but you've got a LOT of people pulling for you guys. You continue to inspire me. Thank you for sharing your journey on this blog, I really enjoy it.
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